People Who Died

Mixed Media on Paper

h: 50 x w: 38 in

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At age 13 I became consumed with Messianic delusions of my fate to be an African American Indian Chief / second coming of a Christ figure. I became obsessed with paranoid fantasies of being a saviour of lost peoples, peoples who died. This lasted for two years and culminated with a nervous breakdown in the emergency room of the local hospital while my father lay unconscience slipping in and out of a comatose state. A few months later I would survive an attempted overdose of prescription sleeping pills. I would eventually come out of that haze but I would still continue to struggle with serious mental health issues and although my current state is much improved every day is still never taken for granted.

Sunday Morning Daydreams

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 50 x w: 38 in

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Even as a child I found the notion of God to be a very silly idea not all that different from Unicorns or the Easter Bunny. Regardless of my doubts I was nonetheless dragged to Mass every Sunday. To keep myself from getting too bored and thus increasing the likelihood of misbehavior on my part I used to sit there and daydream about being a Vampire King. Our house had a real problem with bats when I was a child. As a result I became fascinated by them which ultimately led to childhood obsession with vampires and things that go bump in the night. This painting is inspired by that childhood desire to be a Vampire King flying around the cavernous insides of the church.

Not Again... (Still Life with Painkillers)

Mixed Media on Canvas

h: 11 x w: 14 in

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When I was a child my mother was in a car accident which ultimately resulted in her being disabled for life. She spends every moment of every day in unimaginable pain. I have spent most of my life on one psychiatric drug or another and over the past 3 years I have injured my left knee, my lower back and now, about a month ago, my right knee. These injuries are not the bi-product of strenuous or risky activity. They all happened just as I was going about my daily routine. Call it the Walton Effect, human beings are just not designed to be as big as I am. The result of all this a seemingly probable future in which I spend my entire life on a cocktail of psychiatric and pain management medications. I have seen first hand how chronic health problems weigh on people and I have seen how little compassion most people without chronic health have for those who do. This is why I have been painting a series of still lives of pills that I take on a daily basis just to function. Just as the tradition of Gravitas painting sought to address how we take for granted the life force that food and drink provides us I seek to add a third element to the discussion because for me, and millions of other people, pills are as necessary as bread and water are to everyone else.

Tropics of Cancer

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 4 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

So Ballmoore

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 4 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

San Marco Submerged

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 4 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

Double Dutch

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 4 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

Badass Mofo The Devil Himself

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 4 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

Flayed

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6.5 x w: 4 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

Little Shit

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 9 in

$75.00 + Shipping

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

Mourning After

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 9 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

The Future Is Now (still life with pain killers)

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 4.5 in

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When I was a child my mother was in a car accident which ultimately resulted in her being disabled for life. She spends every moment of every day in unimaginable pain. I have spent most of my life on one psychiatric drug or another and over the past 3 years I have injured my left knee, my lower back and now, about a month ago, my right knee. These injuries are not the bi-product of strenuous or risky activity. They all happened just as I was going about my daily routine. Call it the Walton Effect, human beings are just not designed to be as big as I am. The result of all this a seemingly probable future in which I spend my entire life on a cocktail of psychiatric and pain management medications. I have seen first hand how chronic health problems weigh on people and I have seen how little compassion most people without chronic health have for those who do. This is why I have been painting a series of still lives of pills that I take on a daily basis just to function. Just as the tradition of Gravitas painting sought to address how we take for granted the life force that food and drink provides us I seek to add a third element to the discussion because for me, and millions of other people, pills are as necessary as bread and water are to everyone else.

Murder & Pestle

Oil Stick on Paper

h: 4.5 x w: 6 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

Ecstacy

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 6 x w: 4.5 in

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This is part of an ongoing series of small oil stick drawings on paper where I hope to reconcile the meeting of the visceral & the sublime. It is my intention to demonstrate that beauty isn't alays pretty and that enlightenment can make for dirty work.

Elegy for Saint John (The Fallen)

Acrylic On Paper

h: 22 x w: 30 in

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This is the first in what will be a series of pieces wherein I hope to explore some of the more visceral elements in my work through the lens of a more serene and transcendent composition.

Spider's Sword (Still Life with Zoloft and Ritalin)

Acrylic On Canvas

h: 11 x w: 14 in

$500.00 + Shipping

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When I was a child my mother was in a car accident which ultimately resulted in her being disabled for life. She spends every moment of every day in unimaginable pain. I have spent most of my life on one psychiatric drug or another and over the past 3 years I have injured my left knee, my lower back and now, about a month ago, my right knee. These injuries are not the bi-product of strenuous or risky activity. They all happened just as I was going about my daily routine. Call it the Walton Effect, human beings are just not designed to be as big as I am. The result of all this a seemingly probable future in which I spend my entire life on a cocktail of psychiatric and pain management medications. I have seen first hand how chronic health problems weigh on people and I have seen how little compassion most people without chronic health have for those who do. This is why I have been painting a series of still lives of pills that I take on a daily basis just to function. Just as the tradition of Gravitas painting sought to address how we take for granted the life force that food and drink provides us I seek to add a third element to the discussion because for me, and millions of other people, pills are as necessary as bread and water are to everyone else.

The Last of The Highlites

That's All For Now.

a Few More Highlites

More Highlites from yesterdays Drawing Marathon.

a Few Highlites

a Few Highlites from yesterdays drawing marathon...

More to come.

Drawing Marathon 10/10/2009

This is a picture of all the drawings I did yesterday at the drawing marathon that Cait organized. It was a great experience for me and it was very liberating to be able to take risks and just go with it and not have to worry about whether what I was doing sucked. I dj'd the event and a great time was had by all. I will post individual pics of the highlights from the day soon.

Love+

Acrylic On Canvas

h: 54 x w: 36 in

$750.00 + Shipping

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This work is a reaction, in part, to my reaction to a video piece created by a friend of mine. The work deals with my past experiences with self-abuse. A lot of my teenage years were spent in a self destructive k-hole of abuse and self-mutilation. I hope that this work can function as a release in much the same way that the act of self abuse once did. I know that at least the process of creating it was very cathartic.

Nowhere

Acrylic On Canvas

h: 80 x w: 48 in

$1250.00 + Shipping

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When I was about 14 years old a group of kids who had enjoyed messing with me in the past brutally assaulted me at a park near my house. It was one of the early traumatic events that defined a great deal of my childhood. It was one of the causes for my descent into madness that would last from my early teens into my early twenties. I will never get that lost weekend back but I am certain I am the person I am today as a result of those experiences. This painting deals with that experience in the most explicit sense. It is called Nowhere because at that point in my life that is where I felt I had left to go. I felt trapped like a wounded animal in the universe's crosshairs, nothing to gain and nothing to lose, just bidding my time until the endgame made it's final move.

Public Image

Acrylic On Canvas

h: 14 x w: 11 in

$400.00 + Shipping

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When I graduated high school I made a conscience decision to seprate my private experience from my public image. It was a concrete experiment in myth making and performance art. It was my goal to never again be pigeon holed or manipulated by external elements. I accomplished this goal by treating each day as a different performance. Just like when I was a child my closet became my make believe box. I would wake up in the morning and decide who I wanted to be. By the end of my first semester of college I had developed a collective of characters. Each had subtle differences in gait, wardrobe and and even posture. I am certain that to the outsider their wasn't even any difference but to me the change was monumental. This experiment allowed me to detach myself from my experiences and was a great tool in figuring out who the adult me was. Unfortunately, like all great tools, if one overuses them they become a crutch. Around the age of 22 I stopped being able to the difference between my public and private life. The result of this was a return to the madness that I thought I had escaped some years before. Fortunately, at this point I was not too afraid to ask for help, and with the help of my family, my psychiatrist at the time and a Cognitive Behavioralist I was able to develop coping mechanisms to deal with my demons. This painting aims to illustrate the sensation of mental collapse that I felt at that time in my life.

Risperdal

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 9 x w: 12 in

$150.00 + Shipping

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I was raised on Reagan and Bush. Raised to believe the Soviets would destroy us. The end of the world was on the other end of a phone call placed on a red phone. So what do you do when that didn't happen. When the Iron Curtain fell America became drunk on decadence. We were the only global superpower left and we were in the middle of the biggest economic boom since levitt town. We became arrogant and lazy. For 8 years the world hinged on a blue dress with a stain of uncertain origin. The first decade of the twenty first century is America's hangover. We have bathed in saturday nights bachinal, repented at sunday mornings altar and now we find ourselves hungover on monday mourning. These are the side effects of that peculiar drug called power.

Adderall

Oil Stick On Paper

h: 9 x w: 12 in

$150.00 + Shipping

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I was raised on Reagan and Bush. Raised to believe the Soviets would destroy us. The end of the world was on the other end of a phone call placed on a red phone. So what do you do when that didn't happen. When the Iron Curtain fell America became drunk on decadence. We were the only global superpower left and we were in the middle of the biggest economic boom since levitt town. We became arrogant and lazy. For 8 years the world hinged on a blue dress with a stain of uncertain origin. The first decade of the twenty first century is America's hangover. We have bathed in saturday nights bachinal, repented at sunday mornings altar and now we find ourselves hungover on monday mourning. These are the side effects of that peculiar drug called power.